Time, time and time again.

I'm not even sure what I'm writing about, I just figured it's been a while and I should update.

Okay, so that was a lie. I just wanted to start rambling, so I guess I am sure what I'm writing about.

Item one: WASHINGTON

So, it's definable I'm going now. All I know is some time after Comic Con. I want to go, but I've felt this strange pull to stay here in Cali because all the people I care about are here, all my friends. I mean, there's the Circle, Will, Krystal, and a lot of other people. My family for one. I'm not even going to College right off the bat, so I wont have that to occupy my mind, or it to use to make new friends. To sum it up I'm pretty much scared shitless, but I'm committed and I need to see this through.

Item two: PEOPLE
I just, I don't understand people. As soon as I think I've let something go, it rears it's head and sends me on the same emotional trip. Guilt, feeling sick, anger and what I think is acceptance.

Item three: PROM
jklsdkfhlausdkjkcvbjsdhsdab.kskjldfsjdjbdjbdbvbsdbjkdsjbkd Need to finish Dress. All I can say on that one other than if it sucks, we will make it NOT SUCK. Because we're made of awesome like that.

Item four: THANKS CIRCLE

Thank you, my friends. No, that doesn't really cover it, does it? It's gunna be a lot more empty every day then the term friends covers, not having all of you around. Family is closer, but in a way it's even more than that, because none of us has to put up with the other like with Family, we choose to. All of you have shaped me in ways that I don't know how to tell you. I don't know if it looks like it, but I feel like I'm a completely diferent person than I was when I was first just a "tangent" to the Circle. People come and go, but nothing can take away how all of you have left a mark on me and my personality and my beliefes.
(there are one or two people outside the circle that this applys to as well, I hope you know who you are)

Grace.

Well, there goes the cool toys

Question time!

1. What was your first impression of Sara?
2. Will Nikki eat those green eggs and ham?
3. Amanda and Paige are forced to roleplay out a verbal couple fight. Who gets to play the wife?
4. Oh no, Paige got kidnapped by aliens! What do you say once they get back?
5. Autumn suddenly knows all your secrets. What do you have to say about that?
6. What would you do if you hadn't met Woody?
7. Would you marry Michelle?
8. Who would you rather get stuck in handcuffs with, Trenton or Autumn?
9. Is Kraut your best friend?
10. Have you ever had lunch together with Katie?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) That was middle school, uhhhh… “She’s friendly, oh hey, she likes anime!”
2)Only if she made them.
3)Paige, unless it’s a Friday, then she’s the man
4) Did you meet the Doctor? Any one from Star Trek? You okay? What did you bring us?
5) I trust her not to go around telling everyone (unless they should be told)
6)hmmmm, have a lot less sexual jokes. No, really, I have no idea.
7) No, I love her, not that way though (well, maybe on Thursdays)
8)Autumn, I’ve known her longer
9) Nope
10) No, but we should.

I got all these questions from here http://mct421.deviantart.com/art/Question-Meme-Generator-69266481

Have fun :P

How did I get this out of trying to write a personal statment prompt?

This is hard for me to do when I’m not sure about my world. Everything feels turned on its head, as if I’m in some Alice in Wonderland bull shit. I’m rather sick of it. How can I “be myself” or “express me” when I’m not even sure who “me” is? I feel like I have a name that doesn’t fit my face, like you ever met someone that you think ‘oh they look like a Jessica, not a Brittany,’? Kinda how I’m feeling, like I’m jammed into clothing that doesn’t fit, the sphere in the square hole syndrome. How do I stop feeling like this?
Ah, Identity crisis.

Stupid normy kids

I don't get why people get angry at me being happy, I just don't. Some one asked me today why I'm so happy, in a very angry tone. I honestly can't give that a good reason, I mean it's just I don't have a reason to be sad, being apathetic seems boring, and being angry all the time just burns up to much energy, I'm not productive when I'm angry. I think part of it is that life sucks enough with out me making my self more miserable. Having my friends is enough for me for now, being kept fed (even if I do tend to bitch about food) is enough, having a home to go to is enough for now, it's my goal to make this year the most memorable for the circle.

"Remember, Man, as you pass by
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so you shall be
Prepare for Death and follow me"
"To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know the way you went."
From a tombestone.

Posting to avoid bed time.

I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared to think. I feel like sadness in pulling me down, maybe I've just bee keeping my happy face up to long? I'm startign to feel imaterial, like I don't really exist. I don't feel empty, I feel like the basics of what makes up me are all that's left, and are ready to be blown away be the strong winds in the terible and lonely place. I don't have a name for it, not exsistance, I don't feel like I have the right to call the state I'm in right now exsisting. Surviving might be a better term.

Did I lose your trust? Hell, I don't know if I've ever even give you the link to this blog, but I'm talkgin abot it any ways. If this is so big, I've been deeply involved in this for so long, why did I have to find out in such a round about way? Can I even bring this up to you next time we talk? Or will I be afraid of hurting you, so I'll shove what I want to say down for the first time in a very long time.
"Why don't you smile?"
"The question is, Why do you choose to?" (quote from I have no idea, it was on Sara's blog)

I smile because I know how to do little else to help.

What other role do I play? if some one should happen to figure this out before me, can you let me know?

rambling late at night(late for me), fun stuff man.