Stupid normy kids

I don't get why people get angry at me being happy, I just don't. Some one asked me today why I'm so happy, in a very angry tone. I honestly can't give that a good reason, I mean it's just I don't have a reason to be sad, being apathetic seems boring, and being angry all the time just burns up to much energy, I'm not productive when I'm angry. I think part of it is that life sucks enough with out me making my self more miserable. Having my friends is enough for me for now, being kept fed (even if I do tend to bitch about food) is enough, having a home to go to is enough for now, it's my goal to make this year the most memorable for the circle.

"Remember, Man, as you pass by
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so you shall be
Prepare for Death and follow me"
"To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know the way you went."
From a tombestone.

Posting to avoid bed time.

I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared to think. I feel like sadness in pulling me down, maybe I've just bee keeping my happy face up to long? I'm startign to feel imaterial, like I don't really exist. I don't feel empty, I feel like the basics of what makes up me are all that's left, and are ready to be blown away be the strong winds in the terible and lonely place. I don't have a name for it, not exsistance, I don't feel like I have the right to call the state I'm in right now exsisting. Surviving might be a better term.

Did I lose your trust? Hell, I don't know if I've ever even give you the link to this blog, but I'm talkgin abot it any ways. If this is so big, I've been deeply involved in this for so long, why did I have to find out in such a round about way? Can I even bring this up to you next time we talk? Or will I be afraid of hurting you, so I'll shove what I want to say down for the first time in a very long time.
"Why don't you smile?"
"The question is, Why do you choose to?" (quote from I have no idea, it was on Sara's blog)

I smile because I know how to do little else to help.

What other role do I play? if some one should happen to figure this out before me, can you let me know?

rambling late at night(late for me), fun stuff man.